CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST

Can you imagine a nun sitting at her desk grading these Catholic elementary school test papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!  
 
1.  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED  OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH  OFF.
 
2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE . NOAH'S WIFE  WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME  ON IN PEARS.
 
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR  OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE  NIGHT.
 
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD  PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
 
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.  
 
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE  PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.  
 
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO  THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .  
 
8. THE  EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT  CYANIDE TO GET THE  TEN COMMANDMENTS
 
9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE  APPLE.  
 
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
 
11. MOSES DIED  BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS  IN THE BATTLE    OF GERITOL.  
 
12.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
 
13.  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE  LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO  LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
 
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS  SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.  
 
 15.  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE  MAGNA CARTA.
 
16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY  FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
 
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
 
18. ST. JOHN  THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.  
 
19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO  OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN  DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
 
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE  OFF THE ENTRANCE.
 
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE  LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.  
 
22.  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE  APOSTLES.
 
23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A  TAXIMAN.
 
24. ST.. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.